Okay, if we all agree with this, we should all have high self-esteem. Well, what is the problem? Well, the problem is negative emotions, and the greatest single challenge we have are negative emotions and negative habit patterns. Negative emotions are the cause of one’s depression, period.
Positive habit patterns are joy, love, spontaneous humor, happiness, compassion and so on, but negative emotions are the greatest enemy of all. We could only improve our lives to the degree to which we free ourselves from our negative emotions.
The good news is that no child is born with any negative emotions. That’s means you were born practically perfect. All negative emotions are learned from infancy onward, and that’s a good thing because if it was not true, then we could not get rid of them because if it was a part of us like our eye color or our hair color or our height, we couldn’t get rid of it, but it’s not genetic, it’s not fixed, it’s learned and is therefore re-learnable or un-learnable. You can, in other words, just reach in and short circuit the negative emotion circuits which you’ve learned. The condition you are now in is a learned condition, no doubt. Its not genetic, it’s not fixed, Its high time we un-fixed this condition..
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So here are some of the things that we know about negative emotions knowing that negative emotions are the greatest single obstacles to success & happiness. They are the things that hold us back more than anything else.
Now, first of all, what are the most popular negative emotions?. There are about 54 negative emotions in the textbooks, but the worst of all is fear.
Fear is a terrible negative emotion, and then there is doubt also. That’s a killer.
Then there is envy, which goes along with resentment. Envy and resentment are like twin sisters, they go around together. Because if you envy somebody for their success, you resent them for their success.
Of course, there is jealousy. It’s what Shakespeare called the green eyed monster. Jealousy is a terrible thing, which comes from low self-esteem. People experience jealousy when they feel that they are not good enough.
Then there is hatred.
Then worse of all, there’s anger.
What we find is that it is impossible to have a negative emotion or a negative feeling of any kind unless you can justify it, unless you can explain why you are entitled to this negative emotion.
Why what someone else has done or not done entitles you to this negative emotion? So if we start justifying in The Bible, which is a book on psychological and spiritual development, in The Bible in the Sermon of the Mount, it says, “Judge not that you be not judged.”
You see, because if you judge, you become a hanging judge, you automatically condemn. If you judge and condemn, you justify creating negative emotions. The worst thing of all is that it doesn’t affect the other person, it affects you. So if we stop justifying, the negative emotion starts to die.
The second part is identification. Identification is where you take things personally. This is very common. We hear something that happened, we take it personally and we become angry and upset of something that’s happened to someone somewhere else. So if you don’t justify and tell yourself you’re entitled to this emotion, if you don’t identify and take it personally, the emotion starts to die. The fruit starts to die.
The trunk of the negative emotion tree is blame, and all negative emotions require “blame” for their survival. If you stop blaming, you stop the negative emotion.
It’s almost like your negative emotion tree is like a Christmas tree that’s plugged into the wall. If you jerk it out of the wall and you cut down the trunk, if you stop blaming, all your negative emotions stop.
I believe fundamentally that the key to your fulfilling your full potential as a human being is to eliminate your negative emotions. Because if you eliminate negative emotions, what’s left? Only positive emotions, happiness, joy.
The one common goal that all human beings have is to be happy, to be happy and joyous and loving and feeling wonderful about themselves in their relationships, and the only thing that impairs that are negative emotions, and these negative emotions can be stopped..
So the key is to stop blaming, and the way that you stop blaming is with a very simple three-word neutralizer or zapper, and it is the words, “I am responsible. I am responsible.” So say it, say this to yourself now, “I am responsible.”
So from now on, whenever you think of anything that makes you mad or depressed, just say, “Wait a minute, I’m responsible. I’m responsible. I’m responsible.” You see, your mind can only hold one thought at a time, positive or negative. It cannot hold the thought of responsibility and the thought of depression at the same time.
Now, people are going to give me every conceivable response to this position because nobody wants to give up their negative emotions. By god, you’ve paid for those negative emotions. You spent years keeping them alive and fertilizing and justifying them and talking them over with other people, putting water on them and thinking about them and so on. People love their negative emotions. To get them away you almost need a crowbar to get people to give up their negative emotions.
In fact, what we have found is that if you have just one negative emotion that you will not part with, that alone can sabotage your whole life. So the starting point of you achieving the greatness that is possible for you is to get rid of the negative emotions.
So we talked on about “I am responsible.” Your ability to respond in an effective way is the critical measure of how much you’ve become as a human being. In other words, if you can respond effectively to crises, problems, upsets, which may be and which may not be legally your fault, if you can respond positively and effectively, it means that you’ve come a long way. It means you’ve become one of the best developed human beings on our planet. A person a million miles away from depression..
Because the average human being needs to fall apart, get angry, blow up, go into chaos, throw fits, have tears, threaten to sue and pour a drink down their throat and everything else when they have a reversal, but not tough people. Tough people say, “Hmm, stay calm here. What’s happened? Let’s look at it. What do we do now? What’s our next this, this and this? What’s our next action and so on?” The think and act responsively..
So by saying “I am responsible” whenever you feel something angry, you neutralize the negative emotion. If you keep repeating the words “I am responsible” over and over again, it’s the reason they become an automatic mantra. If something happens, you start to feel angry, you can then say, “Wait a minute, I’m responsible.”
So we know that no child is born with any negative emotions. Children come in to the world and they have an incredible need for love. Love is the most powerful need that children have. A child needs love like roses need rain. They come in completely pure. They have no negative emotions at all except for two. They have only two fears, fears of falling and fears of loud noises. All other negative emotions must be taught to the child from childhood.
When a child comes into the world, they have two wonderful characteristics. First of all, they are completely uninhibited. They laugh. They puke. They pee. They poop. They cry. They do whatever they want. In other words, they are completely uninhibited. They have no inhibitions at all. As far as the child is concerned, the child can do anything, “I can do anything.” These are the words of the early child.
The second characteristics as a child comes in to the world is that he’s completely spontaneous. They do exactly what they want, they say what they want, they cry, they giggle, they pee, they squeal, they play. They do whatever they want. They say, “I don’t have to do anything.” Do you notice that with children, “I don’t have to”? So these are the two characteristics.
Very early in life, because of mistakes that parents make in upbringing, especially destructive criticism and conditional love or withdrawing love, children begin to develop the two major clusters of negative habit patterns from which all of these come, almost emotional cancers if you like.
The first is they develop the inhibited negative habit pattern or inhibitive negative habit pattern. The inhibitive negative habit pattern is characterized by the words, “I can’t.” When the child is young, the child wants to touch and taste and smell and feel and get anything and touch things, grab knives, crawl around and run out in traffic, and parents always, “Don’t, get away from there. Stop that. Put that down. How many times have I told you.” And they punish the child.
They punish the child at an early age when the child is incapable of comprehending why the parent is getting so upset. All the child hears is the parent’s angry voice and sometimes the physical punishment and the shouting and they put him in their bedroom or put him in their crib, the child at a very early age starts to develop this idea, “I’m too little. I’m small. I’m incompetent. I’m incapable. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”
So every time they try something, they get spanked or a punishment, “I can’t.” What happens is that this child begins to form this impression that I can’t, and as the child grows, as the child begins to extend it to the rest of the world, “I can’t learn this. I can’t do this. I can’t get a good grade. I can’t get a good job. I can’t form a good relationship.”
As adults, whenever the child is confronted with a new risky proposition for which there’s no guarantees, then the natural response is, “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. What if I lose? What if it costs me money?” We call this the fear of failure, and the fear of failure is something you may be going through right now.
If you are seeing yourself when I describe a child’s up-bringing, remember that these fears were taught. You were not born with these fears. They can be unlearnt..
Stay tuned to see how you can unlearn these negative limiting beliefs or fears that may be affecting you now in your life…